Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
