Sry I called you an 8
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize