I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize