This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
