its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
