Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
