He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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