Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
