The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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