I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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