At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
