i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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