Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
