two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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