On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
