Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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