Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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