I didn't shave. On purpose
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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