I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Randomize
