Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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