smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
