guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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