I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
