HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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