aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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