dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
