He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
