I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
