I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
