so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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