Christians are straight up FREAKS
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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