yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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