Grow some girl-balls and come out already
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
