Will you blow on my dice?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I cockslap morals
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
