my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
