Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
