ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need water and some morals
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
