watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
