My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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