He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
