she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
