beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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