You can't special order awesome
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
