So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
