So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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