I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
