apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
