Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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