It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
