just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
