Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
