I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
