We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
