I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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