My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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