just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
