Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
