So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize