I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize