hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
