piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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