Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
