My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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