woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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