You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
