i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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