After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
