I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
