I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
