I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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