I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize