We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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