I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
