There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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