So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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