i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
