the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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