Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
