I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
