He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
