I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
