he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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