Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
