Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
