So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are we still banned from the library?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
