I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its liver damage thursday
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize