so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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