are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Having a random hookup so left but love u
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
