That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
