I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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