Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
