I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
