No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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