You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
